Friday, March 25, 2011
Monday, November 15, 2010
Christmas Cards!!!
Oh my gosh! Guys!!!! I just found out some awesome news. Have any of you heard of the website Shutterfly.com? Basically it's a website that lets you do a lot of different photo projects like albums, calendars, greeting cards, mugs, home decor, etc. Anyway I was thinking about trying it out for our wedding photos and making them into an album. However, one of my friends told me about a promotion they are doing for 50 free holiday cards, So I think I might try that out first!
I was looking through some of their christmas card designs and they have some pretty cute ones. I can't decide which one to use! We already took our family photos on saturday, so I am extremely anxious to get them back so I can design my card! I'll keep you guys posted on how everything went!
If you want to do this promotion too just click here. Also if you sign up for an account you get 50 free 4x6 prints for free.
Monday, September 6, 2010
NO!!!!
I am getting SOOOOOO sick of people testing me when I say no. When I say no, I don't want to do it obviously. I do a lot. I'm not just some lazy butt who doesn't want to help society. The fact is, I'm busy with other things too. In the last week I have had about 6 or 7 people ask me to do something, I say "sorry but I can't" they say "are you sure" I say "I'm sure" they say, "well we really could use you" or "you really should do it" I'M SICK OF THIS!!! I'm tired, I'm pregnant, I'm already trying to go to school 60 hours a week. The only thing I want to do when I get home is have fun! If you want me to do something fun GREAT! But does anyone want me to do something fun? NO.... it's always, give the prayer, do a talk, help me babysit my niece, do free labor for me because I'm too lazy to get a job to afford a professional to do it, or do something for me that I just don't want to do even though I should be able to do it better than you. I'm seriously DONE! If I say no I mean no!!!! And if you try pushing me, I'm just warning you... I will possibly stop talking to you for a week so I can get over feeling used. The End.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Don't read if you don't wanna hear me complain...
Okay, so since we have our little family blog, and nobody reads this anyway probably, I've decided I am going to use this as my journal. Well, to an extent... There are just some things left better unsaid.
So entry number 1:
This pregnancy is KICKING MY BUTT!!!!! I never thought I would throw up this many times my whole life combined! But... as long as I get my baby from it I guess I can handle it. It is frustrating though trying to decide if its hormones, brains, emotions, or my heart telling me what to think. I'd like to think I'm not different than before and that things really are happening and I have a legitimate reason to freak out. But... that's probably not the case. I just feel like a lot is happening that normally didn't, like my computer breaking, my car not starting even after the battery's been charged, I never get my phone calls, I can't get this stupid dog urine smell out of our carpet, and its making me sick! Anyway I don't want to go on and on about my pitiful life or anything. I love my life, I'm just really confused right now. I don't know what to do about school, and I'm afraid I'm not even going to be able to finish and so many bad things will come up if that happens. I just feel like I have the energy and motivation of a 90 year old. I seriously feel like I've been pulled on and dragged so much that I can't even accomplish anything anymore. I don't even want to be around people anymore because it seems like they never have anything positive or fun to say. Its always "obama this obama that, work this work that, drugs this drugs that, etc." I wish I was a kid again and the extent of our conversations were "he's so cute!" and "I LOVE that outfit". I feel like all this negative talk is rubbing off on me and I'm losing hope. Maybe it's my choice of friends, or maybe I'm just not seeing the good in people... OH GREAT! ... I guess it is the hormones talking.
I want to fix it, normally if someone is negative I just don't hang out with them. But what am I supposed to do if I'm in a position where I can't ignore them? I'm trying to be a good example. But it's so hard when the only way we can keep a conversation is if its "juicy" or "top secret", or if its putting someone down so you can 'feel better about yourself' ugh... I need a hobby.
So entry number 1:
This pregnancy is KICKING MY BUTT!!!!! I never thought I would throw up this many times my whole life combined! But... as long as I get my baby from it I guess I can handle it. It is frustrating though trying to decide if its hormones, brains, emotions, or my heart telling me what to think. I'd like to think I'm not different than before and that things really are happening and I have a legitimate reason to freak out. But... that's probably not the case. I just feel like a lot is happening that normally didn't, like my computer breaking, my car not starting even after the battery's been charged, I never get my phone calls, I can't get this stupid dog urine smell out of our carpet, and its making me sick! Anyway I don't want to go on and on about my pitiful life or anything. I love my life, I'm just really confused right now. I don't know what to do about school, and I'm afraid I'm not even going to be able to finish and so many bad things will come up if that happens. I just feel like I have the energy and motivation of a 90 year old. I seriously feel like I've been pulled on and dragged so much that I can't even accomplish anything anymore. I don't even want to be around people anymore because it seems like they never have anything positive or fun to say. Its always "obama this obama that, work this work that, drugs this drugs that, etc." I wish I was a kid again and the extent of our conversations were "he's so cute!" and "I LOVE that outfit". I feel like all this negative talk is rubbing off on me and I'm losing hope. Maybe it's my choice of friends, or maybe I'm just not seeing the good in people... OH GREAT! ... I guess it is the hormones talking.
I want to fix it, normally if someone is negative I just don't hang out with them. But what am I supposed to do if I'm in a position where I can't ignore them? I'm trying to be a good example. But it's so hard when the only way we can keep a conversation is if its "juicy" or "top secret", or if its putting someone down so you can 'feel better about yourself' ugh... I need a hobby.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
A mother's place
So ever since mother's day I've been thinking a lot. Mother's give and give and give, that's all they do. And this whole time I've just thought it was just because that's how they were built. Once they had their first baby they automatically had patience, prayer, cleaning skills, and everything good that mom's are made of. I'm beginning to think it is an acquired trait.
I just figured my mom got her way up until we were old enough to ask for things, but I've realized, probably not. I'm sure that from the day she found out she was pregnant with my oldest sister, she had to make a lot of changes, and give up a lot of things. Not only did she have to cut down on what she spent money on, she had to give up her time, her hobbies, her friends, some of the food she ate, and most importantly (at least just for today's sake) her spotlight. She no longer gets the attention that she longs for. A woman shouldn't have to ask for roses. But really, how often does she get them without it?
I know I never really gave my mom the attention she probably has wanted for years and years. The best present I have given her for mothers day, birthday, christmas, you name it has probably been some 5 dollar candle, or a vacume, or something "practical" that she needs anyway. I mean really... if she needs it anyway, that isn't a gift, she's going to find some way to get it anyway.
Anyway back to my real point ... something happened today that made me realize I'm not going to be a good mother if I keep it up. I am extremely selfish. Needless to say what happened... I was in a position where I felt hurt, somewhat betrayed, a little stabbed in the back, and mostly EXTREMELY unimportant. Not knowing what to do, i just got down to the side of my bed and started praying. I asked for guidance. I asked to be able to react in a way that would make this not happen again. I asked to know what to say to make things better. And then I asked to feel the love that I need, and something to make me feel better.
I got back up in bed and started to read scriptures, hoping that I would find something that said "this is why I'm so upset!!!!!" or "this is why this shouldn't happen!!!" anything to prove my point. And then it dawned on me... that wasn't my place. It is not my place to raise anyone other than my kids. If someone else wants to do something that detracts from the spirit, that is there choice. If they love me enough to realize how much it hurts me, they might stop. Or, they might not stop. But that doesn't mean they don't love me.
I am a very sensitive person, thats just how I've always been. But I think it's turning into greed, and selfishness. I have been told in blessings to stand up and speak the convictions of my heart, and be meticulously honest. And I think I have interpretted that the wrong way. I just thought that meant, talk a lot, say whatever is on your mind. So I have been doing just that. And my body has found the most effective way to get my point across is to cry. I don't mean to cry on purpose, but it's happened so much lately that it's becoming a habit even for the smallest thing. Anyway back to my story. After thinking of so many different ways to say "you are a jerk for treating me badly now stop it!" I finally thought I was going to be able to speak up and say something that would truly pierce the heart. Only... when the time arrived that I could say it... nothing came out. All I could do is look straight forward. I couldn't think of anything to say. Inside my head I was thinking "why are you so pathetic, this is your chance to say something Chantelle. Stick up for yourself, just say it! Come on!!!! why aren't you crying? this is a LOT bigger than some of the tiny things you cry about," but nothing came out of my mouth. So many thoughts went through my head, but I just couldn't say anything. Needless to say the situation ended, and I was left alone with all those thoughts trapped inside my head, and only a few of them outside of my mouth. I was so frustrated at first, why hadn't I started crying? usually I do at a time like this, why didn't I get so upset I just snapped? does it mean I'm just going to snap the next time? Why hadn't God helped me say what was on my mind!!??? Then I realized he had led me to do the right thing. Jesus wouldn't stick up for himself. He would have stuck up for the other person. He would have been badly hurt, but he would have just held it in and suffered for it on the cross. So many times I feel discouraged because I can never stick up for myself. People just never seem to understand what I'm going through. But maybe it just means that they're not supposed to hear it. Maybe I really am set out to be a great mother, because I know how to keep my mouth shut when I'm about to explode. It's not the end of the world if I don't get any flowers, it just means that I'm doing my job.
It took me a long time to understand why men have so much responsibility in church, why they get all the attention. But really... thats not true. Women have just as important of a part. Just as men have the priesthood, women have motherhood. They are the one who gives up their life to raise each one of those priesthood holders, they are the one that decides how he will be raised, what lessons to teach him before he moves out on his own. If we had any more responsibility we might end up busting blood vessels all over the place. I've also realized, that maybe one of the best ways to teach someone, is to not say anything at all. People need to learn lessons by listening to the small voices in their head, not the nagging shouts in their face. And maybe a way that I can speak the convictions of my heart and be meticulously honest is through example. And just because my mind thinks it, doesn't meant that my heart is on the same page. Instead of making sure I SPEAK the convictions of my heart. I need to speak the convictions of my HEART, and focus more on what my spirit wants to say. This also means, that I don't particularly have to speak with my mouth. I can keep my mouth completely closed and still speak the conviction of my heart through actions. Hence... I am shutting up starting... NOW!
I just figured my mom got her way up until we were old enough to ask for things, but I've realized, probably not. I'm sure that from the day she found out she was pregnant with my oldest sister, she had to make a lot of changes, and give up a lot of things. Not only did she have to cut down on what she spent money on, she had to give up her time, her hobbies, her friends, some of the food she ate, and most importantly (at least just for today's sake) her spotlight. She no longer gets the attention that she longs for. A woman shouldn't have to ask for roses. But really, how often does she get them without it?
I know I never really gave my mom the attention she probably has wanted for years and years. The best present I have given her for mothers day, birthday, christmas, you name it has probably been some 5 dollar candle, or a vacume, or something "practical" that she needs anyway. I mean really... if she needs it anyway, that isn't a gift, she's going to find some way to get it anyway.
Anyway back to my real point ... something happened today that made me realize I'm not going to be a good mother if I keep it up. I am extremely selfish. Needless to say what happened... I was in a position where I felt hurt, somewhat betrayed, a little stabbed in the back, and mostly EXTREMELY unimportant. Not knowing what to do, i just got down to the side of my bed and started praying. I asked for guidance. I asked to be able to react in a way that would make this not happen again. I asked to know what to say to make things better. And then I asked to feel the love that I need, and something to make me feel better.
I got back up in bed and started to read scriptures, hoping that I would find something that said "this is why I'm so upset!!!!!" or "this is why this shouldn't happen!!!" anything to prove my point. And then it dawned on me... that wasn't my place. It is not my place to raise anyone other than my kids. If someone else wants to do something that detracts from the spirit, that is there choice. If they love me enough to realize how much it hurts me, they might stop. Or, they might not stop. But that doesn't mean they don't love me.
I am a very sensitive person, thats just how I've always been. But I think it's turning into greed, and selfishness. I have been told in blessings to stand up and speak the convictions of my heart, and be meticulously honest. And I think I have interpretted that the wrong way. I just thought that meant, talk a lot, say whatever is on your mind. So I have been doing just that. And my body has found the most effective way to get my point across is to cry. I don't mean to cry on purpose, but it's happened so much lately that it's becoming a habit even for the smallest thing. Anyway back to my story. After thinking of so many different ways to say "you are a jerk for treating me badly now stop it!" I finally thought I was going to be able to speak up and say something that would truly pierce the heart. Only... when the time arrived that I could say it... nothing came out. All I could do is look straight forward. I couldn't think of anything to say. Inside my head I was thinking "why are you so pathetic, this is your chance to say something Chantelle. Stick up for yourself, just say it! Come on!!!! why aren't you crying? this is a LOT bigger than some of the tiny things you cry about," but nothing came out of my mouth. So many thoughts went through my head, but I just couldn't say anything. Needless to say the situation ended, and I was left alone with all those thoughts trapped inside my head, and only a few of them outside of my mouth. I was so frustrated at first, why hadn't I started crying? usually I do at a time like this, why didn't I get so upset I just snapped? does it mean I'm just going to snap the next time? Why hadn't God helped me say what was on my mind!!??? Then I realized he had led me to do the right thing. Jesus wouldn't stick up for himself. He would have stuck up for the other person. He would have been badly hurt, but he would have just held it in and suffered for it on the cross. So many times I feel discouraged because I can never stick up for myself. People just never seem to understand what I'm going through. But maybe it just means that they're not supposed to hear it. Maybe I really am set out to be a great mother, because I know how to keep my mouth shut when I'm about to explode. It's not the end of the world if I don't get any flowers, it just means that I'm doing my job.
It took me a long time to understand why men have so much responsibility in church, why they get all the attention. But really... thats not true. Women have just as important of a part. Just as men have the priesthood, women have motherhood. They are the one who gives up their life to raise each one of those priesthood holders, they are the one that decides how he will be raised, what lessons to teach him before he moves out on his own. If we had any more responsibility we might end up busting blood vessels all over the place. I've also realized, that maybe one of the best ways to teach someone, is to not say anything at all. People need to learn lessons by listening to the small voices in their head, not the nagging shouts in their face. And maybe a way that I can speak the convictions of my heart and be meticulously honest is through example. And just because my mind thinks it, doesn't meant that my heart is on the same page. Instead of making sure I SPEAK the convictions of my heart. I need to speak the convictions of my HEART, and focus more on what my spirit wants to say. This also means, that I don't particularly have to speak with my mouth. I can keep my mouth completely closed and still speak the conviction of my heart through actions. Hence... I am shutting up starting... NOW!
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Things nobody else realizes
1) Yeah yeah yeah, its been a while since my last post... I'm married, in a house, with two puppies, going to hair school, all that fun stuff.
2) I had a major epiphany last night/today. For the longest time, I've felt that nobody has any faith in me. I've feel like I have been shut down so many times lately and it is making it impossible for me to progress and grow. So this is mostly for me (considering not many people will read this probably) but also hopefully some people will learn from it too. (At least read the end part if you get bored)
About me:
I am...
A beautiful young Daughter of God - I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father who loves me, and I love him. I may not have my hair done every day, heck there are even days when I miss out on showering. I don't have the latest trends, and I for sure don't have 100 dollar jeans. But not only do I have an amazingly beautiful spirit, I have pretty eyes, healthy hair, I have a normal shaped face, set of feet, set of hands, and my chest is just perfect the size it is. I am atractive. I could enter a beauty pageant and win if thats really what I wanted to do.
A wonderful wife - No I don't have dinner on the table every night, in fact, any night. Our house is a disaster! My husband has to be my shoulder to cry on more than my hand to hold. But you know what, I care about him. I love him, He loves me. I try my best to make him happy. And yes, sometimes I may come short, but in the end, it works out. No matter what I do that day he will always kiss me at night and tell me he loves me at least 20 times a day.
A great mom - Ok I don't even have kids, SO WHAT!? I have two adorable puppies. They need me every day! They love me, and they show it by licking my face, jumping on my lap, barking at me when I am not paying attention, they follow me wherever they go. Ok so they aren't potty trained, and I may not change their little box every day. But I take care of them. I bathe them, I cut their hair, I take them to doctors appointments. I care if they are hurt, getting their shots breaks my heart each time I have to do it. But I know they need it to be healthy. And I even by them toys, clothes, treats, and beds for christmas, easter, even small holidays like halloween they get costumes.
And once I have human babies, they will get spoiled even more! I am going to decorate every inch of their room with adorable things. I am going to make them the cutest outfits, I am going to be not only their mom, but their playmate, bestfriend, and role model. We are going to go on many adventures. When they need me, I am going to be there!
A number one daughter - I obey my parents, I respect them, I support them, and I love them with all my heart. Yes there have been times I have disobeyed them, and I have hurt their feelings. But they know I love them, and I am at their service whenever they need me. I honor my parents and the name I have received from them.
A number on daughter-in-law - No I don't talk to my in-laws every day. But I love them. I respect them. I think my in-laws are amazing. I know that they love me just as much as they love their blood born children. We get along great, I couldn't ask for a better pair in the world! Ok maybe I'm not the most organized person for their son. And maybe I'm not a genuine homemaker. Buy I try my best and thats all that matters.
The perfect sister (in-law) - When any of my siblings need something, I am there. I would take a bullet for any of my brothers or sisters. I bite my tongue when it needs to be bit. I listen when they need to vent. I watch their kids, I help clean their house, I do their homework with them, I give them presents, I hug them, I play with them, I entertain them, and I love them deeply! Yes I may say something to hurt their feelings. And I may get annoyed by them every once in a while. But I make it up to them and they love me back because of it.
A great granddaughter - No I don't visit them once a week. But I visit them. I call them, I listing to their stories. My grandparents have a lot to tell, and a lot to teach me. I curl their hair, I wash their feet, I garden with them, I miss them when they are not around. They will never be too old for me to hang out with. And I will help them out and support them until the day they die and then more!
A favorite aunt - No I don't have hundreds of dollars to spoil them with, and no I don't live in the next room for them to come to me whenever they need. But I spoil them with presents as often as I can. I help plan their birthday parties, I help them with homework, I hold them when they cry, I babysit, I sneak them treats, I make them feel special, I do their hair all pretty, and I don't have a favorite one. They are all my favorite, but I make sure each one of them knows they are special.
I am an adorable niece - No I'm not a cute 5 year old. But I am still cute. I help comfort when I can. I give hugs. I listen, and none of my uncles and aunts can resist pinching my cheek. I make them laugh, I make them cry, I hold a place in every one of their hearts whether they like it or not!
I am a kick-ass cousin! - Sure not many of us talk, and or have anything to do, with each other. But my cousins and I have FUN! We get into trouble, we tell secrets to each other, we stay up late talking underneath the stars. We have many memories that I will keep in my memory for eternity. I am their friend. And I will always be there when they come to me for anything.
I am a Best-Friend - Ok I may not have many of them. But I can sure be one! I decorate lockers for birthdays, I through surprise parties, I Give Rides, I Listen, I share, I care and when they stop talking to me, I cry for years. When they have a bad day I fix it. I help them come up with solutions. And even if it makes me look silly, I will help them with projects. I can tolerate anything from shopping and painting nails, to getting my clothes dirty with mud and car grease. If they call for help, I'm there!
Neighbor - I borrow things and forget to return them, I contribute to the "junk yard" houses of the neighborhood, I set off loud fire alarms at 6 in the morning, I don't do my visiting teaching each month. But I try to be the best neighbor I can. I listen to problems. I involve them in my life. I let them help make life decisions about what I should wear to prom, what I should plant in my garden, and how I should decorate my house. I bring them food when they are sick. I help make their babys quilts and burp cloths. I really do care about how they are doing.
Not only a Teacher but a Coach - Yes I'll do last minute lessons, there have been plenty of times when I haven't had the answer, and occasionally I will give out the wrong information. But my students respect me. They know I am smart. They know I care about them. I am the glue that holds our team together. It is my responsibility to make sure everyone is including and feeling great, and I live up to it.
A Straight-A Student - I've been tardy, I've been Absent, I've had to do make up work, I procrastinate, I've failed a test before, I've even failed a class. But I am always open to learning new things and I try my best to do what my teacher tells me to do. I understand that they are my teacher and I am supposed to learn from them. I have scholarships, I am on the dean's list, I graduated with high honors, and I am definitely an over achiever, thats just how I roll, and my teachers love me because of that.
A Sophisticated Planner - Sometimes I'm unprepared, sometimes I'm scattered, sometimes I even forget to attend something I planned on going to. But I am still excellent at planning. I have planned handfuls of parties, many projects, and even a couple weddings. I know people think I tend to bite off more than I can chew at times, but I know I can do it, and I always seem so swallow it somehow. I have the creativity and organization it takes to make sure everyone is enjoying themself.
A Remarkable Athlete - I fumble, I trip, I airball, and I've missed plenty of winning serves. But I am a true champion. I have made the winning point, I pass to my teammates, I don't get upset when a game is lost, I play to play, not to win, I can have fun but still score, I have made surprising moves that nobody thought would be possible, without me the team is not complete.
A Unique Artist - My stick figures scream when they look in the mirror, I cant draw a perfect circle, my horses look like a rear end of a cow, but I am an artist. I can create beautiful masterpieces of artwork through photography, dance, song, paints, popsicle sticks, paper mache, even edible finger paint. Just because I don't get paid, and many people don't like my artwork, I know how to express my emotions, I know what I want and I show it to the world. If they don't understand it, they're just not smart enough.
Stylish Hair Stylist - Sure I've butchered an a-line, I've burnt someones scalp, I've caused tiger-stripes, i've fried a girls hair, and I've gotten my round brush stuck in someones hair. But I know a whole lot more than most. I know that having a perfect hair cut isn't just about finding a picture and copying it. I know that you need to put into consideration skin tones, bone structure, face shape, hair texture, and product. I know what's going down in the latest trends. I am an amazing updo artist. I am so skilled, I can teach it. While there are quite a few people that are better than me, others are jealous of my skills and dying to know as much as I do.
A Money Manager- I spend too much money, I throw it away, I wish I save more of it. But we are financially stable. We have a roof over our head, we have food in the fridge, we have clothes to wear, I find good deals, and we have saved hundreds of dollars because I have done my research before buying.
I am a reliable employee - Sure I'm late a lot, I call in sick, I mess up orders, I drop the ball every once in a while. But I am a hard worker. I am honest in my dealings, I am fair, I don't charge for something I don't deserve to be charging for. I will not lie just to impress my boss, or sell more supplies. I take my job to heart, and I do my best each day with a smile on my face.
I am a Treasured Role Model and Example: I trip, I have big hips and a big butt, I am not a size 2, I am not 6 feet tall, and I have close-set eyes. But I am a wonderful example of what a women should be like. I take care of my body, I don't need plastic surgery, I am skinnier and taller than the average american. My body and actions kick butt! I'm surprised everyone doesn't want to be like me.
I am a stable Support System - I am unstable, I cry, I get frustrated, I get discouraged, I vent, I yell. But when it comes to comforting others, I push my feelings aside to care for theirs. Rarely do I get to complain, cry, vent, or scream to someone with out it turning into a shrink session for them. I get over myself so I can help them with their burdens, even if it means holding my sorrows inside for a couple more days.
I am a creative designer - I'm not a pro, there's no way I will make it anywhere in live with design, I don't even know the difference between chartreusse and maroon. But I have my own creative ideas. I can mix colors, texture, line, symmetry, and all other aspect of designing and turn it into a wonderful creation. Yeah I could probably go to FIDM if I tried. But thats not my life. My biggest priority is designing my family, my home, my eternity.
I am a superb cook - I catch pans on fire, I bake soggy cakes, I manage to burn mac and cheese yet still have it be uncooked. I don't know measurements, nor do I care about them. I can make a killer chicken pot pie, and nobody can stop eating my lemonade icecream cake once they try it. Even though I don't make meals every day, doesn't mean I don't know how. And I know I will get better with each meal I cook.
A Great Advice Giver - I've ended up getting people in trouble, I've ended up offending people, I've confused myself and others instead of helping solve something. But I honestly try my best. I pay attention, I do have good ideas. I focus on what would be best, not the easiest, not the quickest, the overall best thing to do. Sure people have hated my advice before, but a lot more people have appreciated my service.
A Green Thumb Gardener - Ok I will admit... I forget to water, over water, don't give enough sunlight, give too much sunlight, I even kill plants without even knowing how. But I am an excellent gardener. I have high dreams for gardening, I have done my research, I make sure to do whatever I can to increase my knowledge and skill about gardening. Some day I am going to have the best garden man has ever come by.
I am a Crafty Chick - I've made some of the ugliest projects, I've wasted so much paper, I have hundreds of projects I've given up on. But I am one Crafty Chick. I know how to disguise any ugly thing to make it hip. I have creative ideas to make cards, scrapbook pages, book covers, pots, any "craft" you can think of. However, I also know how to take it outside of the craft room. I know how to mod podge food storage containers, I know how to make hair bows, I know how to make Chair Cushions, I know how to make dog beds, You can't find too many people as crafty as I am.
A Fighter - I shut down, I get upset, I give up, I want the world just end already. But I am a fighter! When all is said and done, I am going to be on top. Nobody is going to keep me down. I will have my moments when I have hit ground bottom, but I will always pop up. I am going to be like a cork in the water. No matter what happens, everything will be alright and I make sure of it!
A princess - I don't wear pretty dresses, I don't have lots of money, I don't get to have a say in what everyone gets to eat for dinner. But I am born of royalty, someday I will have my own mansion where am in charge. I have my prince, and I have my freedom to do whatever I want, and I can make a difference in the world, and I will, with my magic.
A Dancer of Poise - I step on toes, I kick people in the face, I get discouraged when I can't get a move down. But I've won competitions, I've been in concerts, I've choreographed. I know breakdancing, ballet, ballroom, hip hop, and modern dancing. I know how to catch the audiences attention. I have rhythm, I can step and swing my hips at the exact same time.
A Classy Musician - I can't tell if I've flat or sharp, I honk, I squeek, I chip reads minutes before major concerts. But I know how to play my blues. I can play 12 instruments, I can sight read, I've been in top bands and choirs, I've been invited to tour across the world, at one point I have even played all major scales in just 60 seconds.
Care Giver - I don't know if I would know what to do if someone had a heartattack, I feel awkward when I don't know what to say, I have even forgotten to deliver a ladys medicine to her. But I don't see myself as better than anyone just because I can do more than them. I am not embarrassed to be around someone who farts (or by all means poops) their pants in public. I can shower people, I can help ladies cross the street, I can lower my pride enough to take time out of my busy life to make someone else happy. Is it easy? No. It takes a lot of gut to do something like that, and I have those guts!
A Smarty Pants - I couldn't tell you the square root of 163 off the top of my head, and I do have trouble spelling simple words like except and capability, I don't know when to use the word lie instead of lay, but I'm still a genius. I have common sense that not many people these days do. I know why I am here on earth, and I know what I am supposed to do. I know what to do in emergencys, and I have certifications in many different areas. I have a head full of postulates, theorems, equations, adverbs, and nouns, but that doesn't mean it can't take in more. I just keep getting smarter each day.
Meticulously honest - I have cheated on a test before, I have lied to my mom about where I was going or what I was doing, when I was 6 I even stole a toy chick from a fabric store. But I have a conscience, and I know how to use it. I do not lie to get ahead of the game, even if that means getting last place. I can't even keep my husbands birthday present a secret from him. I don't act like someone I'm not.
Strong as a mule - I may not have muscles, and I may not be able to lift a car, but I have strength from within. I am a rock when it comes to my values and morals. I am not going to budge, I like a bulldozer knocking down any obstacles Satan puts in my way. When it comes to the tug-o-war of life... I am the winner!
A marvelous multi-tasker - I can't talk on the phone and merge lanes, I can't watch tv and clean, and I can't go to the store without forgetting at least 2 things from my list. However, I can pat my head and rub my stomach at the same time, I can be working on 5 different projects in one day, I know how to focus my attention from one thing to another without getting incredibly confused. I can even play both parts of "chopsticks" on the piano all by myself.
A well-rounded Renaissance Woman - I've never flied a plane, I've never been on a motorcylcle, I can't watch scary movies at night. In fact there are SOOO many things I wish I could have done, like being a cheerleader in highschool, being lead in a play, making a dance team, going to my senior prom, being class president, being voted homecoming queen. But I can do anything I set my mind to it. I've seen and done ALMOST all. I've gone to state in both music and sports, I've been on a Chess team, I've ranked top 5% in Math State tests, I've made over 25 quilts, I've been in a commercial, I've flown in a hellicopter, I've jumped out of a 100 foot tree, I've toured FIDM, and so on. I surprise so many people with my abilities, and I so often take it for granted. I'm one lucky girl to be able to do as much as I can. And I shouldn't have to lean on other peoples faith in me to keep going. I truly am talented, and a lot of people wouldn't be where they are without me. I have so much potential whether other people realize it or not. Thanks for all of you who do realize it, and to those who don't... someday you will, but even if you don't that's okay too. Because I know it, God knows it, and the people who matter most know it. I have A great husband who supports me, a family who loves me, friends who care about me, the world as my canvas. We were sent down here to learn. The way you learn is by doing. Me sitting around moping about how nobody appreciates me is just going to make things worse. From now on I am going to live life like God wants me to and wherever he takes me, whoever he sends my way, and whatever he wants me to do, and whenever he wants me to do it... so be it. Peace Out!
2) I had a major epiphany last night/today. For the longest time, I've felt that nobody has any faith in me. I've feel like I have been shut down so many times lately and it is making it impossible for me to progress and grow. So this is mostly for me (considering not many people will read this probably) but also hopefully some people will learn from it too. (At least read the end part if you get bored)
About me:
I am...
A beautiful young Daughter of God - I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father who loves me, and I love him. I may not have my hair done every day, heck there are even days when I miss out on showering. I don't have the latest trends, and I for sure don't have 100 dollar jeans. But not only do I have an amazingly beautiful spirit, I have pretty eyes, healthy hair, I have a normal shaped face, set of feet, set of hands, and my chest is just perfect the size it is. I am atractive. I could enter a beauty pageant and win if thats really what I wanted to do.
A wonderful wife - No I don't have dinner on the table every night, in fact, any night. Our house is a disaster! My husband has to be my shoulder to cry on more than my hand to hold. But you know what, I care about him. I love him, He loves me. I try my best to make him happy. And yes, sometimes I may come short, but in the end, it works out. No matter what I do that day he will always kiss me at night and tell me he loves me at least 20 times a day.
A great mom - Ok I don't even have kids, SO WHAT!? I have two adorable puppies. They need me every day! They love me, and they show it by licking my face, jumping on my lap, barking at me when I am not paying attention, they follow me wherever they go. Ok so they aren't potty trained, and I may not change their little box every day. But I take care of them. I bathe them, I cut their hair, I take them to doctors appointments. I care if they are hurt, getting their shots breaks my heart each time I have to do it. But I know they need it to be healthy. And I even by them toys, clothes, treats, and beds for christmas, easter, even small holidays like halloween they get costumes.
And once I have human babies, they will get spoiled even more! I am going to decorate every inch of their room with adorable things. I am going to make them the cutest outfits, I am going to be not only their mom, but their playmate, bestfriend, and role model. We are going to go on many adventures. When they need me, I am going to be there!
A number one daughter - I obey my parents, I respect them, I support them, and I love them with all my heart. Yes there have been times I have disobeyed them, and I have hurt their feelings. But they know I love them, and I am at their service whenever they need me. I honor my parents and the name I have received from them.
A number on daughter-in-law - No I don't talk to my in-laws every day. But I love them. I respect them. I think my in-laws are amazing. I know that they love me just as much as they love their blood born children. We get along great, I couldn't ask for a better pair in the world! Ok maybe I'm not the most organized person for their son. And maybe I'm not a genuine homemaker. Buy I try my best and thats all that matters.
The perfect sister (in-law) - When any of my siblings need something, I am there. I would take a bullet for any of my brothers or sisters. I bite my tongue when it needs to be bit. I listen when they need to vent. I watch their kids, I help clean their house, I do their homework with them, I give them presents, I hug them, I play with them, I entertain them, and I love them deeply! Yes I may say something to hurt their feelings. And I may get annoyed by them every once in a while. But I make it up to them and they love me back because of it.
A great granddaughter - No I don't visit them once a week. But I visit them. I call them, I listing to their stories. My grandparents have a lot to tell, and a lot to teach me. I curl their hair, I wash their feet, I garden with them, I miss them when they are not around. They will never be too old for me to hang out with. And I will help them out and support them until the day they die and then more!
A favorite aunt - No I don't have hundreds of dollars to spoil them with, and no I don't live in the next room for them to come to me whenever they need. But I spoil them with presents as often as I can. I help plan their birthday parties, I help them with homework, I hold them when they cry, I babysit, I sneak them treats, I make them feel special, I do their hair all pretty, and I don't have a favorite one. They are all my favorite, but I make sure each one of them knows they are special.
I am an adorable niece - No I'm not a cute 5 year old. But I am still cute. I help comfort when I can. I give hugs. I listen, and none of my uncles and aunts can resist pinching my cheek. I make them laugh, I make them cry, I hold a place in every one of their hearts whether they like it or not!
I am a kick-ass cousin! - Sure not many of us talk, and or have anything to do, with each other. But my cousins and I have FUN! We get into trouble, we tell secrets to each other, we stay up late talking underneath the stars. We have many memories that I will keep in my memory for eternity. I am their friend. And I will always be there when they come to me for anything.
I am a Best-Friend - Ok I may not have many of them. But I can sure be one! I decorate lockers for birthdays, I through surprise parties, I Give Rides, I Listen, I share, I care and when they stop talking to me, I cry for years. When they have a bad day I fix it. I help them come up with solutions. And even if it makes me look silly, I will help them with projects. I can tolerate anything from shopping and painting nails, to getting my clothes dirty with mud and car grease. If they call for help, I'm there!
Neighbor - I borrow things and forget to return them, I contribute to the "junk yard" houses of the neighborhood, I set off loud fire alarms at 6 in the morning, I don't do my visiting teaching each month. But I try to be the best neighbor I can. I listen to problems. I involve them in my life. I let them help make life decisions about what I should wear to prom, what I should plant in my garden, and how I should decorate my house. I bring them food when they are sick. I help make their babys quilts and burp cloths. I really do care about how they are doing.
Not only a Teacher but a Coach - Yes I'll do last minute lessons, there have been plenty of times when I haven't had the answer, and occasionally I will give out the wrong information. But my students respect me. They know I am smart. They know I care about them. I am the glue that holds our team together. It is my responsibility to make sure everyone is including and feeling great, and I live up to it.
A Straight-A Student - I've been tardy, I've been Absent, I've had to do make up work, I procrastinate, I've failed a test before, I've even failed a class. But I am always open to learning new things and I try my best to do what my teacher tells me to do. I understand that they are my teacher and I am supposed to learn from them. I have scholarships, I am on the dean's list, I graduated with high honors, and I am definitely an over achiever, thats just how I roll, and my teachers love me because of that.
A Sophisticated Planner - Sometimes I'm unprepared, sometimes I'm scattered, sometimes I even forget to attend something I planned on going to. But I am still excellent at planning. I have planned handfuls of parties, many projects, and even a couple weddings. I know people think I tend to bite off more than I can chew at times, but I know I can do it, and I always seem so swallow it somehow. I have the creativity and organization it takes to make sure everyone is enjoying themself.
A Remarkable Athlete - I fumble, I trip, I airball, and I've missed plenty of winning serves. But I am a true champion. I have made the winning point, I pass to my teammates, I don't get upset when a game is lost, I play to play, not to win, I can have fun but still score, I have made surprising moves that nobody thought would be possible, without me the team is not complete.
A Unique Artist - My stick figures scream when they look in the mirror, I cant draw a perfect circle, my horses look like a rear end of a cow, but I am an artist. I can create beautiful masterpieces of artwork through photography, dance, song, paints, popsicle sticks, paper mache, even edible finger paint. Just because I don't get paid, and many people don't like my artwork, I know how to express my emotions, I know what I want and I show it to the world. If they don't understand it, they're just not smart enough.
Stylish Hair Stylist - Sure I've butchered an a-line, I've burnt someones scalp, I've caused tiger-stripes, i've fried a girls hair, and I've gotten my round brush stuck in someones hair. But I know a whole lot more than most. I know that having a perfect hair cut isn't just about finding a picture and copying it. I know that you need to put into consideration skin tones, bone structure, face shape, hair texture, and product. I know what's going down in the latest trends. I am an amazing updo artist. I am so skilled, I can teach it. While there are quite a few people that are better than me, others are jealous of my skills and dying to know as much as I do.
A Money Manager- I spend too much money, I throw it away, I wish I save more of it. But we are financially stable. We have a roof over our head, we have food in the fridge, we have clothes to wear, I find good deals, and we have saved hundreds of dollars because I have done my research before buying.
I am a reliable employee - Sure I'm late a lot, I call in sick, I mess up orders, I drop the ball every once in a while. But I am a hard worker. I am honest in my dealings, I am fair, I don't charge for something I don't deserve to be charging for. I will not lie just to impress my boss, or sell more supplies. I take my job to heart, and I do my best each day with a smile on my face.
I am a Treasured Role Model and Example: I trip, I have big hips and a big butt, I am not a size 2, I am not 6 feet tall, and I have close-set eyes. But I am a wonderful example of what a women should be like. I take care of my body, I don't need plastic surgery, I am skinnier and taller than the average american. My body and actions kick butt! I'm surprised everyone doesn't want to be like me.
I am a stable Support System - I am unstable, I cry, I get frustrated, I get discouraged, I vent, I yell. But when it comes to comforting others, I push my feelings aside to care for theirs. Rarely do I get to complain, cry, vent, or scream to someone with out it turning into a shrink session for them. I get over myself so I can help them with their burdens, even if it means holding my sorrows inside for a couple more days.
I am a creative designer - I'm not a pro, there's no way I will make it anywhere in live with design, I don't even know the difference between chartreusse and maroon. But I have my own creative ideas. I can mix colors, texture, line, symmetry, and all other aspect of designing and turn it into a wonderful creation. Yeah I could probably go to FIDM if I tried. But thats not my life. My biggest priority is designing my family, my home, my eternity.
I am a superb cook - I catch pans on fire, I bake soggy cakes, I manage to burn mac and cheese yet still have it be uncooked. I don't know measurements, nor do I care about them. I can make a killer chicken pot pie, and nobody can stop eating my lemonade icecream cake once they try it. Even though I don't make meals every day, doesn't mean I don't know how. And I know I will get better with each meal I cook.
A Great Advice Giver - I've ended up getting people in trouble, I've ended up offending people, I've confused myself and others instead of helping solve something. But I honestly try my best. I pay attention, I do have good ideas. I focus on what would be best, not the easiest, not the quickest, the overall best thing to do. Sure people have hated my advice before, but a lot more people have appreciated my service.
A Green Thumb Gardener - Ok I will admit... I forget to water, over water, don't give enough sunlight, give too much sunlight, I even kill plants without even knowing how. But I am an excellent gardener. I have high dreams for gardening, I have done my research, I make sure to do whatever I can to increase my knowledge and skill about gardening. Some day I am going to have the best garden man has ever come by.
I am a Crafty Chick - I've made some of the ugliest projects, I've wasted so much paper, I have hundreds of projects I've given up on. But I am one Crafty Chick. I know how to disguise any ugly thing to make it hip. I have creative ideas to make cards, scrapbook pages, book covers, pots, any "craft" you can think of. However, I also know how to take it outside of the craft room. I know how to mod podge food storage containers, I know how to make hair bows, I know how to make Chair Cushions, I know how to make dog beds, You can't find too many people as crafty as I am.
A Fighter - I shut down, I get upset, I give up, I want the world just end already. But I am a fighter! When all is said and done, I am going to be on top. Nobody is going to keep me down. I will have my moments when I have hit ground bottom, but I will always pop up. I am going to be like a cork in the water. No matter what happens, everything will be alright and I make sure of it!
A princess - I don't wear pretty dresses, I don't have lots of money, I don't get to have a say in what everyone gets to eat for dinner. But I am born of royalty, someday I will have my own mansion where am in charge. I have my prince, and I have my freedom to do whatever I want, and I can make a difference in the world, and I will, with my magic.
A Dancer of Poise - I step on toes, I kick people in the face, I get discouraged when I can't get a move down. But I've won competitions, I've been in concerts, I've choreographed. I know breakdancing, ballet, ballroom, hip hop, and modern dancing. I know how to catch the audiences attention. I have rhythm, I can step and swing my hips at the exact same time.
A Classy Musician - I can't tell if I've flat or sharp, I honk, I squeek, I chip reads minutes before major concerts. But I know how to play my blues. I can play 12 instruments, I can sight read, I've been in top bands and choirs, I've been invited to tour across the world, at one point I have even played all major scales in just 60 seconds.
Care Giver - I don't know if I would know what to do if someone had a heartattack, I feel awkward when I don't know what to say, I have even forgotten to deliver a ladys medicine to her. But I don't see myself as better than anyone just because I can do more than them. I am not embarrassed to be around someone who farts (or by all means poops) their pants in public. I can shower people, I can help ladies cross the street, I can lower my pride enough to take time out of my busy life to make someone else happy. Is it easy? No. It takes a lot of gut to do something like that, and I have those guts!
A Smarty Pants - I couldn't tell you the square root of 163 off the top of my head, and I do have trouble spelling simple words like except and capability, I don't know when to use the word lie instead of lay, but I'm still a genius. I have common sense that not many people these days do. I know why I am here on earth, and I know what I am supposed to do. I know what to do in emergencys, and I have certifications in many different areas. I have a head full of postulates, theorems, equations, adverbs, and nouns, but that doesn't mean it can't take in more. I just keep getting smarter each day.
Meticulously honest - I have cheated on a test before, I have lied to my mom about where I was going or what I was doing, when I was 6 I even stole a toy chick from a fabric store. But I have a conscience, and I know how to use it. I do not lie to get ahead of the game, even if that means getting last place. I can't even keep my husbands birthday present a secret from him. I don't act like someone I'm not.
Strong as a mule - I may not have muscles, and I may not be able to lift a car, but I have strength from within. I am a rock when it comes to my values and morals. I am not going to budge, I like a bulldozer knocking down any obstacles Satan puts in my way. When it comes to the tug-o-war of life... I am the winner!
A marvelous multi-tasker - I can't talk on the phone and merge lanes, I can't watch tv and clean, and I can't go to the store without forgetting at least 2 things from my list. However, I can pat my head and rub my stomach at the same time, I can be working on 5 different projects in one day, I know how to focus my attention from one thing to another without getting incredibly confused. I can even play both parts of "chopsticks" on the piano all by myself.
A well-rounded Renaissance Woman - I've never flied a plane, I've never been on a motorcylcle, I can't watch scary movies at night. In fact there are SOOO many things I wish I could have done, like being a cheerleader in highschool, being lead in a play, making a dance team, going to my senior prom, being class president, being voted homecoming queen. But I can do anything I set my mind to it. I've seen and done ALMOST all. I've gone to state in both music and sports, I've been on a Chess team, I've ranked top 5% in Math State tests, I've made over 25 quilts, I've been in a commercial, I've flown in a hellicopter, I've jumped out of a 100 foot tree, I've toured FIDM, and so on. I surprise so many people with my abilities, and I so often take it for granted. I'm one lucky girl to be able to do as much as I can. And I shouldn't have to lean on other peoples faith in me to keep going. I truly am talented, and a lot of people wouldn't be where they are without me. I have so much potential whether other people realize it or not. Thanks for all of you who do realize it, and to those who don't... someday you will, but even if you don't that's okay too. Because I know it, God knows it, and the people who matter most know it. I have A great husband who supports me, a family who loves me, friends who care about me, the world as my canvas. We were sent down here to learn. The way you learn is by doing. Me sitting around moping about how nobody appreciates me is just going to make things worse. From now on I am going to live life like God wants me to and wherever he takes me, whoever he sends my way, and whatever he wants me to do, and whenever he wants me to do it... so be it. Peace Out!
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Sparkly Toes
I painted my toenails today! They are very colorful, it makes me feel like a happy junior high girl! I like looking cute I've decided, its amazing how much of a difference looking good can do to your self-esteem and outlook on life. Now I just need to go buy new clothes....
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